Michael Tran/FilmMagic Tonight was the big night—some of Hollywood's funniest stars were going to go in on Justin Bieber. And that's exactly what they did (as well as go in on each other!).
Kevin Hart, Jeff Ross, Natasha Leggero, Pete Davidson, Martha Stewart, Shaquille O'Neal, Snoop Dogg, Ludacris and even Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) were apart of the pre-taped Comedy Central Roast that aired Monday night, and while they all made us laugh until we actually felt a six-pack forming, they also dished some disses that shocked us.
What's comedy without a few oh no they didn't moments? But seriously, they didn't hold back.
Unfortunately, we couldn't list all of the funny, harsh, OMG-did-they-really-say-that, LOL-worthy one-liners here, because that would've taken all night, but we did pluck a few gems out for you in case you want to experience the hilarity that occurred tonight.
You're welcome.
Kevin Mazur/WireImage 1. "Do your hermaphrodite twerk,"—Kevin Hart
2. "It's an honor to be at a roast hosted by Shaq's dick,"—Pete Davidson
3. "Is it true you dumped [Selena Gomez] because she grew a mustache before you?"—Jeffrey Ross
4. "[Kevin Hart] is just like Bill Cosby. Women can't feel when he's inside of them,"—Snoop Dogg
5. "Justin's fan are called beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards,"—Natasha Legerro
6. "Shaq is cool though. Shaq has shattered 8 backboards and 79 cervixes,"—Pete Davidson
7. "Kevin, you are everywhere. He is going to be on the next season of Game of Thrones. He's going to play Peter Dinklage's shadow,"—Natasha Legerro
8. "Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever' and say, ‘I'm gonna go ahead and ride this one out,'"—Kevin Hart
Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic 9. "Justin, Selena Gomez had to f--k you. She is literally the least lucky Selena in all of entertainment history,"—Natasha Legerro
10. "You have it all … Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy,"—Chris D'Elia
11. "No wonder he's got moves, he was In the womb trying to dodge a coat hanger,"—Natasha Legerro
12. "Justin, I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower,"—Martha Stewart
13. "If Anne Frank heard your music, she would Uber to Aushwitz,"—Jeffrey Ross
14. "Snoop, you look like Shaq's skeleton,"—Natasha Legerro
15. "This kid has spunk, moxie, and a few other STDs,"—Ron Burgundy
16. "The Brazilian prostitute that claimed she was with Justin told the news that he was well-endowed. And that prostitute would know because so was he,"—Ludacris
17. "What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours,"—Justin Bieber
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